Strange Bedfellows

Sleep. 

The elusive.  The taunting.  The fickle.

I had forgotten what trying to sleep while pregnant felt like.  It's not just the aches and pains.  It's not just the stuffy nose.  It's not just the fear of crushing your poor baby as you launch your body into seven different positions.  

It's the combination of all of these things.

I don't remember having this hard of a time falling asleep last time I was pregnant.  Then again, last time I was pregnant, I was still jogging and feeling relatively good by the second trimester.  

This time around I feel even more lethargic, which you would think meant I would have no problem falling asleep.  Alas, this has not been the case.  If its not my hips bothering me, it would be my arms.  If it wasn't my back that felt twisted, it would be how hot I would get.  And always, always, always, I would have to get up to pee at least four times.

Since I couldn't really do anything about that last one, I thought maybe I could at least think of a way to make my body more comfortable lying down.  I tried stuffing pillows everywhere - between my knees, cradled behind my back, hugging one around belly.  But nothing seemed to help.  

My friends and coworkers kept asking if I tried a body pillow and many asked if I wanted to borrow theirs but I kept refusing because I figured it wouldn't do me any good.  I had already contorted myself so completely with pillows that I must've looked just like a pile of microfiber and limbs at night.  And besides, I worried about bringing in something that big into the bed (insert tasteless joke).

Finally, after one particularly agonizing night, I got up, rubbed my aching, burning hips, and decided it wasn't the pillow configuration.  It was the mattress.  After several years and one pregnancy already, our mattress has taken some punishment.  And while it is still comfortable in normal circumstances, it just wasn't measuring up to the task of holding up my big body a second time.  My friend Jen recommended a mattress topper with a thick foam base to help with giving me some extra support.  I did some research and found one that was highly rated and not too expensive.  The only hitch was that I had to unfurl the thing when it arrived and let it reinflate for 48 hours before I could use it.  So I had to keep walking by my guest room like an anxious baker, watching and waiting for cake to rise.

Finally it was time.  Joe and I hauled the big blue pad onto our mattress and put the mattress protector and fitted sheet over it.  For the first time in weeks I couldn't wait to hop into bed.  

Surprisingly, I didn't "hop" so much as "sunk".  

The first night was a little tricky.  We both found ourselves not exactly cradled, but more like enveloped in a thick sponge made of pudding.  Moving around or shifting took some effort.  I would flail my arms about to get enough momentum to haul myself off just to go to the bathroom every hour and half.  And the cooling gel that were supposed to keep your body at a comfortable temperature didn't seem to kick in as I was constantly kicking the covers away from even touching me.  I began to worry I made a mistake.

But I wasn't about to give up yet.  We took the mattress cover off the topper so that we could get the cooling effects more directly.  By the second night, I began to enjoy the feeling of being trapped in squishy comfort.  Whereas the mattress alone was rigid and indifferent, the mattress topper was inviting, almost aggressively so.  It was like a really clingy boyfriend who just wanted to hear about your day while rubbing your shoulders and wouldn't let you go, even to go to the bathroom.  It was nice, but it was still missing something.

Then a few days ago my friend Sylvan stopped by for a quick visit.  She had just had a beautiful baby of her own and I was so excited to meet her and to offer a little dish to take home for dinner.  But she also had things for me, including her big body pillow.  At first I was going to beg off from taking it, but then I thought, maybe this is the final key.  Maybe this is the last component I need to unlock a good night's sleep.

Well, its been a week, and I now have all three things that I need in my bed.  My firm, supportive mattress, my soft pushover mattress topper, and my sinewy, seductive body pillow that seems to go everywhere I need it to.  

Oh and Joe.  I have Joe, who is the best thing above all that I have in my bed :)

But sleep is no longer totally elusive.  In fact, as I write this, my mattress and topper cradling my back and bum, and the body pillow wrapped around my shoulders, sleep is inevitable.  Sometimes.....too inetiavle....um, I mean...invariable.........

Night night.

Pregnant in the Time of COVID

 

Well, in true "second-child" fashion, I have put off writing about this new baby until I'm more than halfway through the pregnancy.  But, I figure this will probably be the last time I will be pregnant so I would like to still chronicle some details so I have some basis of comparison from this pregnancy to my previous one.

So as not to bore with a ton of minute details, I'll simply remark on the milestone moments of this pregnancy.  Or at least the moments I can actually remember thus far.

I found out I was pregnant when the talk about COVID was just transitioning from a murmer to a shout.  My in-laws were coming for a visit at the conclusion of their Caribbean cruise and when I mentioned this at work, I was told I would have to quarantine for two weeks.  I went home with a sick feeling in my stomach.  Not because of my in-laws (they're honestly great and we get along really well), but I couldn't shake this funny feeling.  I couldn't tell if it was because I was nervous about having to fill two weeks of time at home or the fact that all the businesses around seemed to be shutting down and closing out of fear, or if it was something else...

I let it go for a few days but the nausea continued.  Sure enough, the pregnancy test turned out positive.  I was kind of in shock.  Not just with the idea of having a second baby, but with the idea of going through a pregnancy during a pandemic.  I wondered how many ways this pregnancy would differ from the last one.  

Turns out there are some definite differences.  For one, the nausea was waaaay worse this time around.  My poor mother-in-law would try to cook us dinner every night and most nights I was too sick to eat more than some oyster crackers and ginger ale.  Even now I still have a hard time brushing my teeth without triggering my gag reflex.

The second thing is the fatigue.  I'm sure I was plenty tired when I was pregnant with Joey but for some reason this time I feel even more logey.  I've come home from work on several occasions and after helping get Joey down, I will immediately pass out on the bed, the recliner, the sofa, the kitchen table....basically any steady and sturdy surface.

The third thing is just how lax I feel this time around, which isn't really a good thing for me.  When I was pregnant before I went to classes, read lots of books, asked for tons of advice, scoured reviews on baby products to put on my registry, etc.  For whatever reason this time I haven't felt the urge to bone up on birthing techniques or the best bottle brands.  I've been more like, "eh, I did this before.  I'll remember what to do."  I don't.  There are a lot of things I don't remember and that kind of freaks me out.  That is, until, I pass out again in my bowl of ice cream.

But those difference are pretty petty.  Probably the biggest difference is the fact that I was alone for most of my doctor's appointments.  And here is where the reality of the coronavirus threat has most significantly reared its ugly head.  

Early in my pregnancy, before I as sharing the news with most people, I had a scare.  I was at work when I noticed blood in my underwear.  I panicked and immediately expected the worst.  Joe picked me up and was trying to keep me calm the whole car ride to my doctor's office.  However, when we arrived and we were told that he wasn't allowed to come inside with me, I noticed his face finally turn worried too.  I sat in the office waiting while he paced nervously outside the building like a caged tiger.  Turns out everything was ok but having to go through those moments alone were rough.  And to continue to go to my appointments solo was still a drag, especially when I heard the heartbeat for the first time.  I know it would've meant a lot to Joe to be there for that, as I'm sure it is for all those soon-to-be dads out there.  

Fortunately, he was there with me when we found out it was going to be a girl.  We both whooped and screamed behind our masks, nearly giving the poor ultrasound technician a heart attack.

Since then, the biggest update has been how active she has become.  I was worried at first because I wasn't feeling much movement.  The doctor and nurses would ask and when I said I wasn't feeling anything yet I worried that meant something was wrong.  But they assured me I'd feel her soon.  And soon enough, I did.  Now I feel her all the time and sometimes she really gives a good wallop, even at night.  I keep wondering if this is a sign of what's to come with her personality...

Which brings us up to now.  I continue to go to most of my appointments alone, but I know it's not possible for Joe to be there for all of them.  But it is still strange to sit with a mask on for all my appointments.  And I've really felt the love at work, especially from my female coworkers who dote on me and ask how I'm doing.  Even some patrons have fussed over me which is nice, especially when I have to tell them their book is overdue or the movie they want is unavailable.  And to the patrons who are rude or mean, I feel the full angry force of my hormones as I imagine ways to torture and punish them.

I still have a few months to go and I have no idea what habit or craving might be waiting for me around the corner.  But as I scratch my itchy belly, excited to finish this post so I can get my cookies and milk, I'm sure it will be something worth writing about.